Where's My Sign?

Pregnant women need a sign, or a shirt, or a tattoo right across the forehead to answer the endless supply of questions and respond to the overwhelming "advice."  Plus there are tons of tidbits you just feel like people need to know.  I don't mind the innocent questions like, "When are you due?" "What are you having?" etc, but if I could carry a sign, this is what it would say.

1) Yes, we do know how babies happen, and we are aware of how to keep them from happening.

2) We do not "need" a boy.  We will be equally blessed with one or the other.  Our family may or may not be complete if we have a boy.  We may or may not have more children if it's a girl.

3) No, I do not need to switch to Pepsi in the brown can (decaffeinated).  I am aware of how much caffeine I can safely have and am well under the limit.

4) Yes, I do drink water.  Plenty.  (I wonder what they'd say if I said "Nope, all beer...and Pepsi.")

And the following ones have not come up yet, but it's only a matter of time.

5) I've gained a sufficient amount of weight.  If you need to know the exact amount, then the next time you look a little heavier, I'll want a precise report from you.  (This aggravated me so much while I was pregnant with Avery.  I guess because I'm on the small side people think it's appropriate to ask how much I've gained.  There were three other woman pregnant at school at the same time I was, and they are larger than I am.  I never once heard anyone ask them that.)

6) PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH!  I am not an animal.  Don't pet me and I'll try to keep from petting you.

That all may be a bit much for a tattoo, so if you could find me a sign or a shirt I'd forever be grateful.