...it's good, and sometimes...
...it's not. Slight mommy rant ahead. Something I've wanted to scream on Facebook for awhile. If you're not interested, stop right here with the pictures.
I've always wanted to be the mom in the car. The mom in the cool car, happy baby in the back, jamming to some cool non-mom music. That's one of the many visions I had...effortless, easy, fun, although I knew it wouldn't always be like that. The mom in the car turned into a mom in labor with high blood pressure who remained in bed with a catheter for a day after the baby was born, blood pressure spiking each time she sat up. A mom who had heart palpitations and near-faintings for a week after delivery, telling no one. A mom with a baby on a heart monitor for a month. A mom whose baby could sleep in the crib for 12 hours at night but had to nap in someone's arms after a lot of crying. A mom who didn't always enjoy it.
My Facebook news feed is full of stories of perfect babies and moms who love motherhood so much they never need a break (and tell other mom's they shouldn't either). I certainly don't think I'm a bad mom for taking a break one day a week this summer while Avery gets spoiled by my mom. These Facebook friends have pictures with captions telling how beautiful, sweet, and precious their child is. Bragging on a sweet baby is fine every now and then, but with some it's over and over and over. Maybe while they're telling us about their perfect life they're trying to convince themselves also. Do they look at my lack of captions like this and think I don't feel this way about Avery? I hope not. I'm not a gusher...about the good or the bad. We think Avery is precious. If someone else wants to tell us, great. These are the people who would never say they are stressed and are one of those "natural mothers." Motherhood stresses me out, and maybe people who aren't stressed are either lying or not taking it quite seriously enough. My baby slept through the night super early but also did a lot of fussing. Was that because I was/wasn't a natural? I think most of these things are luck, with a little reflux thrown in. Nothing I did made her sleep, and hopefully nothing I did made her cry.
Women (with and without children) are so hard on moms. It's constant competition. I'm a mom who wants to be honest about the good, the bad, and the ugly of parenting. I don't want to think that because I'm fussing about something aggravating that I'm a bad mom. I don't want to think that when I describe our early days or a rough day now, people are secretly happy because they (or someone they know) had it easier than me. It was TOUGH, still can be, and will continue to be. Parenthood is the greatest responsiblity ever, and no responsibility is ever without challenges. So while I might tell you that she's plucking my last nerve, I'm also waiting for that next big, open-mouth kiss. All I have ever wanted to do is to be a mommy, and I'm so glad that Avery (trials, tribulations, and all) is the one that gave me the title.
3 comments:
I know you've wanted to get that off your chest for quite a while! GOOD JOB! You are an amazing mother, wife, daughter and friend and as your friend, I appreciate your honesty!! It prepares me for future motherhood...one day!
Whitney--I know exactly what you are going through!! To me, being a mom is very hard and VERY stressful-- I think it has been the most stressful thing ever! I always see other moms who have it so easy. Amy H. and I have really relied on each other for support. We often will call each other and vent--it is very nice to hear of another mom going through the same stuff you are! Our boys have hit the terrible twos and I mean with a bang! I would often wonder am I the only one who feels that they can't handle it?? But, I know I am not! We can all be each other's support system! Thanks for sharing!!!
Way to go, Whitney! I loved that! You are right and it is so frustrating to deal with all these people with perfect kids. It's amazing how during my teaching days that were was rarely a perfect kid in my class yet mothers are contantly professing their child's accomplishments to anyone that will listen. Evie is a princess and there's not much that I can do about it but roll with it while putting some boundaries down.
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